I am stubborn, and proud of it!!!

People declare,
"I am stubborn!"

-like it is a badge of courage! 


"a distinctive emblem worn as a mark of office, membership, achievement, licensed employment, etc."

We BRAG About Being Stubborn.   
..... like it is a virtue!!!!  

OR,

We declare it is inherited, it is a trait that has basically been passed down and can't be avoided. 

I can't point fingers.... because

I am sure those fingers would point right back at me.  

BUT.....

When we so proudly declare,

I AM STUBBORN.....

-let's call a spade a spade. 

From Wiki:   

To call a spade a spade ...is a figurative expression which refers to explicitly calling something as it is,^[1]

 by its right name.^[2][3] 

Honestly, 

We declare, "This is the way I have always done it..."  
(implying that we cannot change).   
Really?   
Is it that?   
Or we
CHOOSE not to change? 

Or, we declare- 
I will do this no matter who it affects or how it effects someone else because 
that is what I want...

Let's call it what it is. .   .  

"I am going to do what I want, when I want, the way I want."

We proudly like to call it "being stubborn."   

What it is:   

Selfish.   

self·ish

ˈselfiSH/

adjective

1. (of a person, action, or motive) lacking consideration for others; concerned chiefly with one's own personal profit or pleasure.

   
   

   synonyms:

   egocentric, egotistic, egotistical, egomaniacal, self-centered, self-absorbed, self-obsessed, self-seeking, self-serving, wrapped up in oneself;  inconsiderate, thoughtless,unthinking, uncaring, uncharitable;  mean, miserly, grasping, greedy, mercenary, acquisitive,opportunistic;

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When stubborn becomes an excuse to just do what ever we deem is most important to us at the time,

irregardless of how it may affect others...  

it is not a gold badge, 

it is not an inherited trait.    

What it IS....

It is a choice. 

And the CHOICE is:

What ever we want to do, 
is most important.  
We are going to do it no matter
who it could negatively effect. 
We are going to do it 
and DECIDE that it caused no harm to anyone.
We are going to DECIDE that it caused no stress to anyone.
We are going to do it
because that is what we want to do. 

It is selfish.    

Remind yourself of the good in your life! Count your blessings!

For the past year and a half, 
I have counted the hard times.


There have been many these last months.

march 2016 -Tom's back put him out of work for months.
                      I struggled with his care, and got buried under paperwork
                      for insurance, for his job, for disability. ...
                      doctor's visits came regularly ... at least three a week.

may 2016 -   I started a new job, learning new things.   I felt like an idiot
being trained by a young kid.    Starting new at 60 years old.   I now was
to be the one  who did the job away from home.   I had to overcome my
fears.   I had to face learning to be the driver, no longer the passenger. . . literally and
figuratively.  

My life feels like it has been changed forever.  
Things I used to do and enjoy.... hang with the family, work in the yard,
photography.... seem so far from my grasp, and my energy.

august 2016  - Pop died.

sept. 2016 -    The sewer line collapsed.

                       The brakes on the Jeep gave out.

oct 2016 -       Tom's foot became infected after trying to fix the sewer line.  I struggled with more paper work, learning the new job, learning how to care for Tom. then...
                        A hurricane came.
                        Our  twelve year old, 130 pound dog was dying, and I was struggling with his care because  he was so large.  I couldn't get him to the vet.            
                        He had a massive lump on his side.   During the hurricane, our other dog  had jumped on top of him, lanced the lump by accident and it was leaking everywhere.  Tom would be coming home from the hospital, dealing with osteomyolitis.... I couldn't  have bacterial infection everywhere with our dog sick as he was....  I finally found a vet  who would come to the house to 'put him to sleep'.
 
Nov. 2017 -   Tom's Jeep engine blew.

Jan. 2017 -     Tom had a job lined up.   We thought he was better.  The weekend of my
                       birthday, he became ill again, ended up back in the hospital.
                       Inspite of how I tried to keep up with all the paperwork......
                          I found out while He was in the hospital...waiting for surgery, that his insurance was gone.   More paperwork, dealing with disability, piled under bills, still learning  a new job, still learning how to care for my spouse.  
                     
Feb 2017 -     Tom lost his job.

April 2017 -   Tom went in to get his foot checked.   He was excited because it was healing so well. But when he went in....he found out he needed surgery on the OTHER foot.  A Fifth surgery.  We were trying to keep from being deflated.

May 2017 -    Tom lost his mom.

June 2017  -    I have been getting sick alot.   I found mold in the living room when I pulled up the tile.
                        Under the mold was a cracked foundation.  We were told it would cost thousands to
                        fix it.

June 2017  -     I was at work, when I found out that Tom was in an accident.  
                        He totalled the suburban.  It was our only means for me to get to work

.

July 2017   -     Have had a lot of sinus and tooth issues....
                        Just had a root canal.... well almost

                        .... they had to stop it.  They said the tooth was too far gone.
                        I ended up going to
                         an oral surgeon to have the tooth extracted, yesterday.

  I said Lord, "I am trying to keep from being bitter, resentful, angry, I am always so tired now,
and hardly have energy to spend time with my family.  

One day at a time, be patient and strong,
 calm under trial, sweet under wrong. 

God said, "It has been a year of blessings,
                  Count them.    
                    Count THEM instead of the hardships."

Tom's foot was saved.
The chiropractor helped his back.
Tom's work paid disability for a long time.
I got to see Pop at the fourth of July celebration.
Tom was able to drive to Chicago to see his mom.
He was with his mom, reading a bible verse to her...
"When everything is ready, I will come and get you, so that you will always be with me where I am."
John 14:3
Tom was with her in her last moments.
Suzanne and Sandy brought me on a trip to a beautiful lake...
to help me get some energy back.      
I was directed to a vet who could administer to our dog what was needed.
Our sewer is fixed.  It is paid for in full.  Thank you to family.
Our suburban was totalled, but no one was seriously hurt.
We got a newer, better suburban, and it is paid in full.
I 'just happened' to get a job with amazing insurance that has paid most of our bills.
One bill was $152,000  -   our portion was zero!
My boss has let me work just nights, and less hours so I can go to the doctor appointments with Tom.
I was able to learn a new job!
TJ and Cayci were able to let us use their jeep until we got another vehicle.
We have been able to pay for new parts, new engine for the Jeep....
so it will be running again.
Tom has lost a hundred pounds.
Tom was approved for social security disability.
My cracked tooth was causing me to get constant infections and fevers,
now, hopefully my health will get better after this extraction.
We were blessed with some unexpected money to pay many bills.
We have had other much lower estimates for the cracked foundation,

and we can easily pay for it.
We have a home to live in.
We are healthy.
We have two more grandchildren on the way.

We have three beautiful children, their spouses and families.
Count your blessings!

WHEN YOUR HEAD IS ON THE PILLOW,
AND THE DAY IS ALMOST DONE...
COUNT YOUR MANY BLESSINGS,
COUNT THEM,

ONE BY ONE. 

You can't eat a diamond.

The couple that wore these two rings

have been together over 32 years.

He could not wear his ring after it was broken on the job.

Even if he wanted to,

He could not wear jewelry in his line of work.

Now, however, he has been out of work for over a year

with disabling health issues.  

She, long ago, 

sold the diamond for bread for the family.

The jeweler, who bought the diamond said,

"Are you sure you want to do this?"

She said,

"You can't eat a diamond."

Her arthritis swollen hands now 

can no longer wear the ring.  

She has gone back to work 

as her spouse no longer can.

If you are engaged,

soon to be married.......... 

Don't argue over silly things like rings.  

Life is not about stuff.

It grows old, gets sold, tarnishes,

gets broken, no longer fits. 

Love each other.

Not the stuff. 

Giant Wooden Spool Playground.

So, one day my son showed up at the house with a great present for me.
It was a massive 300 pound wooden wire spool.
He wheeled it to the back yard.
Initially I had thought it would be a good table to use for my garden.
But when he wheeled it in and flipped it on it's side,
I realized it was way too tall for me to use to put my plants on.

So it sat.

Christmas came.
We used it as a display table for our minions Christmas inflatable.

And then...
again....
it sat.

I couldn't do anything with it.   I couldn't  move it, because it was flat on its side
and much too heavy for me to flip.

So it sat.

One day I was on the twenty five year old swing that we had purchased
when our kids were little.   My grandchild wanted to push
me and her sister on the swing.....fast.

That was when the quarter century chain finally gave out.
And there we sat, on the ground.

I promised my granddaughter that I would fix the swing.

So, piece by piece, I ordered parts and put it back together.
Then an idea took place.

I asked my son to please come roll the huge wooden spool
over near the old swing set.

He did this for me.

Then, I pondered.

and I pondered........

I started getting a great idea......

The old broken swing set,

the wooden spool.

It could work!

My daughter and son in law found someone getting rid of an old slide.

I'll TAKE IT!!!!

 I played around with a few ideas.
My granddaughter would always ask me if I had fixed the swing.

I pondered and pondered.

Then it all started to come together in my head!   

My husband was trying to clean out the garage,

so I helped by getting rid of some of the paint.  

I painted the spool, and the swing.

My son gave me a can of Thompson Water Seal.

Just in time, too, as it rained the next day. 

I got new chain and hardware for the swing. 

I found the old trapeze bar from the old swingset.

I sanded it, got new hardware and painted it. . . pink.

I rolled the spool up on some blocks.   

I noticed on the way home from work that someone was getting rid of a nice pool ladder.

I enlisted my husband's aid in retrieving this treasure. 

After that I went online and found a few handles,

a steering wheel,

some climbing wall holds,

and then,

most importantly, 

a new larger slide!

And then...

I pondered again.

My daughter and son in law showed up....

My son in law helped put on some of the accessories

and attach the ladder and slide. 

He didn't even have a chance to finish and the kids were climbing all over it!  

Of course he tested it out! 

It is not done yet, but so far, it is a hit!   

A company even sent me this teeter totter for free!!!! 

Still need to put the rock climbing holds on, 

and possible a few other ideas....

But so far it is coming together!!!

When the storms come...........

Feeling so grateful.

I asked God to show me the importance of community.

Sometimes the days trials can feel physically like you are actually carrying heavy burdens.
You can feel so worn/laden with the problems of the day, the hour, the month.

Tom was out of work for 3 months March, April, May with several different back problems.

I started a new job in May to try to help with the bills.

Traveled to my dad's funeral September, came back home....  Sewer lines busted.
Our beloved watchdog and pet of over twelve years was diagnosed as very sick.
Tom ran a 103 temperature on and off for a week.
His job said if he called out again, he was fired.
That same Friday the dryer broke,
the brakes went out on the Jeep. ...
even the coffee maker gave out.
Saturday went to Urgent care with Tom,
he was
sent immediately to the emergency room.
He has been there since Oct. 1.
Then the hurricane came.

These past weeks I have been blessed by the care of others.
I am so thankful.

I felt the weight of a burden lightened as I shared with Lori , Liz , Anthony,                                                   Peter, Francis, Bernadette and others.

I felt the weight of a burden lightened  as TJ and Sandy worked to remedy our broken dryer.

I felt the weight of a burden lightened when TJ, Cayci, Matthew and Cathleen brought me D batteries
as my power outage after the storm continued.

I felt the weight of a burden lightened as I spoke with Liz on a dark night alone in the hurricane.

I felt the weight of a burden lightened as Suzanne went to the library to try to find books/video's for Tom so   that as he recuperates his time can be used to learn and discover more about something he enjoys (gunmithing).

I felt the weight of a burden lightened as I look to God
                                                                .......and through His people the load lightened.

I felt the weight of a burden lightened as my boss and associates
(from a job I just recently began)           
rearranged their schedules so I could care for Tom.

I felt the weight of a burden lightened as Sandy came over and helped me move yard items into the garage so
that they wouldn't blow around during the hurricane.

I felt the weight of a burden lightened as Susan would text to see how we were doing.

Even in the greatest distress, search until you find causes for thankfulness.

I felt the weight of a burden lifted when Matthew and Cathleen came over and got the window of the suburban to go back up by taking the door apart.  (The day I was picking Tom up from the hospital to take him home, I used the valet  service.  The valet put the window down, not realizing that the window would not go back up.)
                                                             
I felt the weight of a burden lightened  when Suzanne brought us over vegetables and food after the storm as our refrigerator food had spoiled with the power outage.

I felt the weight of a burden lightened as my neighbors Jammi and John checked on me after the storm, and   my other neighbor brought over some ham/turkey for sandwiches since I will be going back to work and looking for easy meals for Tom.

I felt the weight of a burden lightened as I heard that family and friends were safe after the storm.

I felt the weight of a burden lightened as I sat in the hospital and my thoughts wandered to finances, an ailing pet, the new sewer lines, Tom's job, ongoing home care, recuperation, and what the future would bring.  Then I  would remember the love of a cousin who started a fundraiser to help lighten the anxiety and worry.
She said, " saying yes to charity and the way it lightens the load is beyond measure."

Charity is Love.
Not Pity.

She was right!

I am so thankful and humbled by the generosity and kindness of those who have contributed.  
Thank you so very much.  

Even in the greatest distress, search until you find cause for thankfulness.  "I sought the Lord, and He heard me, and delivered Me from all My fears.   They looked to Him and were lightened, and their faces were not ashamed."   Psalm  34:1,4-5

When fear and anxiety overwhelm you...........

When anxiety and turmoil overwhelms you..............

My husband was out of work from the end of
March, through April, May, and June.
His back was causing him great pain.

I started a new job, to help pay the bills.
It was stressful at almost 60 to learn a new
job.   Humbling to be trained by a 22 year old!
I am thankful for the new job.

My husband got sick with some kind of bug.
He missed more work.   No paid days left.
Thankful that he got better.

My dad passed away.   The beginning of this month, September, was the funeral.
It required us driving 2000 miles in 4 days, attending a funeral, dealing with finances for
the trip etc.  Thankful for an aunt and uncle that helped us with some of the finances.
Thankful for a dad that lived a full and meaningful life.

 Got home from the funeral. and the dog had to be taken to the vet.
He was untreatable. . . after they charged us $500.
He is dying of cancer.
Thankful that my son got me this dog twelve years ago to fill my
aching heart.

Was working outside, sliced my finger on some glass.
After two weeks it still wasn't healing.
I felt it closely and realized there was still a
good sized piece of glass in the cut!
The cut had been so deep that I just kept it
wrapped most of the time.   So this was the
first time I could actually see the glass!
I am thankful that I found the glass and
the cut healed almost overnight after that!

Still in the same month of September.
Our sewer pipes collapsed.
We were without sewer for a few days.
Then, had to pay $4,000 to have the pipes redone.
Had to take out a loan.
Thankful that we qualified for the loan.

My husband has been sick again.
Started Friday.
Going on a week.
He now gets no sick pay because he used it all up
when his back was out.
Thankful that his back has been doing better.

He has been running a fever on and off of 103.
The doctor said it was gastroenteritis......
I guess they say that when they don't really know.
Thankful that there will be an answer.

So, my husband with 103 fever,
had to sign a paper today at work.
It says that if he misses any more work,
he is terminated from employment.

So it is finally September 30.
The brakes on the Jeep went out
while my husband was driving.
Thankful he didn't get in an accident.

The dryer just went out.

I feel lonely sometimes.
It is still September.

But I am thankful that I can:

Run to Him.
Be anxious for nothing.
Go forward into the future bravely and unafraid.
Focus on Him and not the problem or the person.

Remember that you are:

Treasured by God.
Empowered by God.
Provided for by God.
Cared for by God.
Loved by God.

He is the One who matters the Most!