Dear God, I did not like You.

Hide Your word in My heart, that I might fully enjoy You and Your abundance.

I will never leave you or forsake you.    There is no bond of union on earth to compare with the union between a soul that loves Me and Me. Priceless beyond all earth's imaginings is that friendship.  
In the merging of heart and mind and will, oneness results that only those who experience it can even dimly realize.  I came to show you how to live life and live it abundantly. -God Calling

I was raised Catholic.
When I was growing up, I thought that the purpose of my life was to be a martyr.
I thought that was an honorable goal for an individual who wanted to love God.
I believed that following  God is inherently dangerous.
That proclaiming God is deadly.
So, then I decided.

God, I did not like You.
And....
I did not want to be a marytr.
I wanted to survive.

Then, I survived.
I realized, surviving is not enough.
Surviving is like being alive, but dead.

Then,
I turned toward You again,
I realized then that,
I wanted to live.
I wanted to be fully alive....

Then,
I found You more.

And,
then I found out that my PURPOSE is not to suffer for Your Name,
but to find joy in loving You and glorifying You.

I find that the only place to get abiding peace is in spending time with You.
I run to You.
You are the only one who can anchor me.
Without You, living is still like death, and death is the end.

I hear in my heart,
I hear You say.
"Come sit with Me. Live in My Presence, protection, and guidance.
Know what real joy is. "

I am learning that yes, there is evil bent on destroying goodness and good deeds.
But in this journey, I find that I am, we are,  not alone.  We are not without a powerful Ally.
The goal of my life is not to be destroyed by evil so that eventually in some twisted way this will bring glory to God.
The goal of my life is to live in relationship with God and to be anchored in Him when times are good, or hard.
The goal of my life is to be so 'twitter-pated' by my relationship with Him that nothing else matters.
To be so in love with Him, that as a result, His Presence is felt by those around me.
They are drawn to Him as a result.

I know I have a long way to go, so many personal sins, imperfections, and flaws.
Please forgive me folks when I mess up.
At least now, I know, I can share with you which way I am going.

Put a dream in my heart.
Show me what a liar that enemy is and reveal to me my next place of promise.